{SeXy} The Nobbies

From time to time, when The Man and I don’t have the kids and can savor a few hours of unadulterated alone time, we go to sex stores. We go there, of course, because there are never any fucking children in sex stores.

On one of our sex shop adventures, we found textured cock sleeves – or what we affectionately called “the nobbies.” We discussed their potential on and off for a few months. The Man was not too pleased with the idea of covering his manhood with a piece of bumpy silicone. I wasn’t entirely certain how it would feel on the interior. We all but wrote off the idea until our next sex shop excursion.

They were cheap and the salesman – who seemed as trust worthy as a salesman at a sex/porn/novelty-gift store can be – said they were quite popular. In hindsight, they were probably “popular” because they were cheap and you can’t return the shit. These were the ones we purchased.

Mega Stretch Cock Sleeve - 72 per Bowl

Mega Stretch? “Stretch” is apparently subjective.

tl;dr advice: don’t buy this shit

We purchased two, for a variation of texture and experience. We got home and were too excited by all the talk of the sex we were going to have with our new toys to actually use our new toys. Same with the next time. After about four days, the novelty wore off and we’d more or less forgotten about the $9 in cock apparel lying in the nightstand drawer. Then we were able to partake in the nobbies.

At first, The Man was unable to put them on. He was afraid of injuring himself. Valid fear, considering “mega stretch” really means “will barely stretch around two fingers.” We played with it (being the nobbies) and then with it (being his dick) for a while until one was nice and stretchy and the other was nice and hard. He applied the sleeve to his cock then instructed me to hop on.

It felt good. For about 3 minutes. Until I noticed him making a face and I said, “What? Doesn’t it feel good?”

“No,” he said, a little concerned. “It feels…really weird. Does it feel good for you?”

“Oh yeah,” I said, pretty obviously lying. Truth be told, I hadn’t really felt anything past the initial few pumps and figured that I just got used to it. “But go ahead and take it off.”

I dismount. He reaches down and laughs. “It’s not there.”


It’s not fucking there.” We check the bed. Then under his ass. Then the pillows. Then he laughs again and says, “I ain’t fucking going in after it.”

And thus was the first time, in my life, I have ever had to fish a foreign object out of my vagina

If you liked the t-shirt used as the feature image, you can buy the design by Style-o-mat at SpreadShirt. I’m not affiliated in any way, just spreading the link love.


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