Day 4 of 7 Days of Sex

Our love life has sadly dwindled since the baby came. I know, it’s so shocking.

I gained a lot of weight. He says I gained a little weight. It’s about 35 pounds, which really, in the grand scheme of things, isn’t a lot, but it’s the difference between my clothes fitting and my clothes acting as a sausage casing. And since I had a c-section, my stomach has taken on a lovely floppy quality. Mmmm really makes me feel sexay.

Enough about my mutilated midsection. We used to fuck like bunnies. We haven’t been fucking like bunnies. On Sunday, we had a pretty nice sack session that caused us to ask, Why in the hell aren’t we doing this every night anymore?

We’re not “old people.” He’s 30, I’m just shy. We have the libidos of bunnies. We always want to have sex, but when it comes down to lay down and do the deed, we find something more important to do. Like talk about the electric bill. Or which park we’re going to tomorrow. Or read funny headlines. Or fight.

There have been a lot of fights…

So we made a pact that we would have sex every single night for a week. I’ve heard it’s all the rage in sex therapy. There’s even a show about it. Why not?

Day 2 was fun. Not going to do anything! Sexy time!

Day 3 was a bit forced. It was after midnight, we really wanted to watch the next episode of a show, but we had to have sex.

Day 4, last night…

Fireworks #1

Photo credit: Camera Slayer

We were a little reticent at first. The kids were sleeping in the living room – next to our bedroom – in case the tornado sirens went off and we had to rush to the basement. We had to be very very quiet, which has its own kind of fun. A little less fun when one wrong move will alert children to what’s going on. Quietly, we ventured forth. About five minutes in, he got very turned and well…that’s all she wrote.

It’s times like this you find out new, useful, exciting things about your partner’s sexual psyche.

The man is a very gentle person. He, however, never had much luck with the ladies when he was younger. Not “luck” in the getting laid, “luck” as in not being teased and harassed. Sometimes, he likes to get a touch rough. Light restraint, firm hair pulling, gentle forcing.

It’s the forcing part he had a problem with. He really (really really) loves a little fight. When I first learned about this, it scared me a little. It skirts the line of a rape fantasy. We’ve discussed it, and come to boundaries. He knows where I refuse to go, knows my own personal triggers (and oh, boy, do I have a lot) and discomfort signals, and I know his. He wanted carte blanche to play out that dirty little fantasy: you don’t know you want this yet.

Where we’ve never gone let ourselves go there. Where he could do what he wanted, without my explicit permission, even with a bit of resistance. I don’t think this would have been a good experience when we first got together. It would have ended with someone feeling violated.

But after Round 1, we talked. It turned into raunchy talk. And Round 2 went there.

It was amazing. I let him have his way. He never once crossed one of my boundaries, but he did do things I hadn’t explicitly signed up for. I resisted. He persisted. I enjoyed.

Like I said, this would have been a catastrophe requiring possibly years of therapy at the start of our relationship. But this far in, knowing each other so well and after building up years of trust, discussing it first, and agreeing what we were getting into, it worked well for us. Better than well. I’m sure we’ll be doing it again.

The main problem with this whole experiment is it only lasts 7 days. Maybe we should extend it to 14, just to be sure we get enough sample data. =)

 

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2 responses to “Day 4 of 7 Days of Sex”

  1. Becoming the Best Me says :

    If you don’t mind my asking, how old is your baby? My hubby and I had sex like bunnies before I was pregnant, had sex like bunnies on viagra when I was pregnant, and it took us about 4 months after having Peanut before sex started feeling good again for me (I had torn so it took what felt like forever to heal. we had sex before many times before that but it didn’t feel great until 4 months). Ever since then, we went back to having sex like rabbits. We started doing it even more as I lose weight. It’s been almost 8 months since I gave birth and we have sex just about every day all month long except for one week (we both find that to be gross LOL). If your little one is still little, it takes a few months to find your groove again but it should come back. It took my sister-in-law a year before she found her mojo. Everyone’s different 🙂

    • Average Jane says :

      She’s 9 months old now and my fifth. Only c-section.

      The c-section was pretty bad, with lots of complications, and it’s only been since she was about 6 months old that my abs weren’t paralyzed and started to bind back together, and that my incision site didn’t hurt on a daily basis. My first four were vaginal deliveries. Even with complications, they were so much easier to recover from!

      Congrats on the weight loss and getting your giggty back. =)

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